Obsessive Desire

What is this inferno that burns so feverishly inside of me? Why can’t I clear my head of these obsessive thoughts that continue to circle round and round like a cyclone? I am happier than I’ve ever been before. I’m surrounded by people who love me for who I am. I am truly doing whatever it is I want to do, probably for the first time ever in my life. Yet… My heart is aching. The flame that was so recently ignited still burns bright… Brighter than ever. The King that I have found, the one that I have been obsessing over, has continued to fuel my desires. He gives me hope, for the first time, that people like me exist. Because he is like me and he exists. He is like me, but he is not. I have finally fully embraced who I am. I am manifesting the life that I want. I know what it is that I crave and seek, and I will not rest until I obtain it. He has settled. Like I see so many people do. People unequally yoked. Deciding to remain in the safety of stability, rather than face the world alone. Convincing themselves that a life lived predictably is better than one where you chase your wildest dreams. People burdened by obligations that trap them in a life left unlived. I can not say that one choice is better than the other. Both contain heartbreak. Heart’s that break for partnership, and companionship. Hearts that long for the depth of connection. But I live a life of solitude. Continually searching for that which compliments me. I can only assume that his heartbreak is similar. I can only imagine the loneliness of being stuck.

I Want What is Mine

Where is MY King? Where is MY Twin Flame? When I say “Love isn’t good for me…” I am referring to how fully it consumes me. When I love, I love hard. When I feel, I feel deep. I become obsessive. It is all I can think about. My thoughts swim in possibilities, fantasies. I can’t think clearly. I’m unable to focus on myself. I start struggling to get the simplest things done. I spend hours in bed unable to sleep. I covet. I want what I want. I yearn to possess it. I am consumed with the desire to obtain it. I have in my mind a vision of the life I long to manifest. There is a depth of emotion that I crave. A connection that I seek to share. I can see everything so clearly, yet it is all just beyond my reach.