I am frequently faced with this decision in my life. Do I choose a life of fulfilling my lustful desires and pursuing my every erotic fantasy? Or do I choose a life of deep emotional connection and intimacy? Which one brings me more happiness? Why am I unable to find both in one person?

I am a slut at my core. A true nymphomaniac. I love sex, sex, and more sex. My appetite is insatiable. The more sex I have, the more sex I want. The more fantasies I fulfill, the more fantasies pop into my pretty little head. I’m sick and tired of being denied. I hate feeling locked away, this precious diamond, for some vanilla to enjoy at the expense of my joy.

I am an emotional person. I love intimacy. I crave deep connections. I love knowing a person and loving them for exactly who they are. So many people have been in my arms and I have just adored them. Every flaw, every failure, every mistake. I love them for all their potential. I have nothing but the desire to support them and help them grow. I long for reciprocity. I long for partnership. I long for a lover to experience life by my side, and not dictate what it is I experience in my life.

My submissive side wants to serve a great man. I want to wake every morning and be led by a King. I want to be protected. I want to be cherished. I want to be adored.

But I am a whore in a world full of men who desire good girls. No man wants to love a whore. Everybody wants to fuck the whore. Everybody wants to feel the intensity of pleasure that the whore can bring. Everybody wants to indulge and use the whore. But no man wants to love the whore. Men are unable to see that a whore can be a good girl too. Nobody understands that love and lust are both separate and the same.

Men are afraid of me because I can not be owned. I can not be tamed. Even worse, I can not be satiated. One man has never been enough. I deplete men. I exhaust them. I make them feel like less than a man, because of their inability to satisfy me.

The men I’ve dated have little, if anything, to offer me. There is nothing a man can offer me that I have not already given myself. I do the best job of making myself happy and taking care of myself. I am the ruler of my domain. There is no room for a shared thrown in this monarchy.

I question which brings me more happiness and I find myself unable to compare the weight of two beauties. I have experienced both. Deep love and intimacy, as well as a life free to fulfill my fantasies. I want them both. I can not compare.

Throughout my life, I have chosen a life of deep emotional connection and intimacy (monogamy). In the past, I have come to the conclusion that this is the better choice. In doing so, I am forced to cease all physical intimacy outside of my relationship. Most recently, I was forced to cease all communication as well. In doing so, I am cut off from any emotional intimacy and connectedness that I experience with others. I am forced to rely on my partner to satisfy all of my needs…

NEVER ONCE have I experienced the reciprocation of effort that I have given.

NEVER ONCE have I experienced the level of commitment and partnership that I crave and have sacrificed so much for.

So instead, my choice has become more a matter of which causes me less pain. Both bring great pleasure but being a slut causes me less pain. I am less disappointed.

I’m finding the more I love myself, the less I need someone else to love me, and the easier it becomes to let the wrong people go and embrace the right people as my core.

I want to have faith that there is the perfect man out there for me. I want to have faith that there is a man that understands my type of poly and wants the same exact thing. I must have faith that there is a man that can bring love, romance, emotion, and partnership at the level that I have to offer.

Until I find you, My King, I will not stop searching. I know that you have been judged too. I know that you want the same level of love and freedom that I desire. I accept you and I love you for who you are. I love your desire to fuck other people besides me. I want to hear all about it while you’re buried balls deep and pumping cum into my pussy. I promise I won’t settle for anything less until I find you. I pray that you never cease in your search for me too.