Would you know the truth,

if it slapped you in the face?

Deep within us all lies a system. A process of logic and reasoning based on what we’ve learned from our experiences. It’s composed of everything we assume is true subconsciously and everything we rationalize consciously. Neuroscience has been studying and imaging our brains for decades. We’ve philosophized about the mind for centuries. For millennia we’ve philosophized about our seemingly superior differences to all other forms of life.

Our sense of self is but an illusion. Unlike nearly every other perception or brain function, the self has no mapped location in the brain. Rather, it’s how we’ve managed to piece it all together into a singularly experienced perpetual flow of what’s taking place at this moment now, and now, and now, now, now, now…

Or at least that’s the optimal experience. To live presently in the moment. Fully aware of our environment and ourselves. Mindful of everything we say and do. But that’s a pipe dream. 

The facts are, most of us have a few issues. Some of us have a few more. Then there are those of us who have a lot. But it doesn’t matter how many issues we have, because we all have them. What matters is that we rarely do a fucking thing about it. 

For example…

Let’s say I’ve been “dating” (fucking) this man who’s a pathological liar. He repeatedly tells his Baby Mama that I don’t mean shit to him, that we haven’t fuck since December, and swear it on his dead brother, but he KNOWS that we were fucking nearly every day (sometimes 5 or 10 times a day) from last June until this Feb when he punched me in the face. We only took a couple of weeks’ break while my face healed and then fucked all through the rest of March and April… On some level, he’s gotta be aware that he’s full of bullshit. He’s a lying manipulative dog. On some level, he’s gotta know he’s wrong. That he’s toxic. Abusive. On some level, he has got to be ashamed of himself and truly wants to change. Right? There’s gotta be some love in his heart for the mother of his children, right? Some respect? Those weren’t all crocodile tears he was shedding, were they?

So, it’s apparent to me now that he’s a liar, but that’s not really the worst part about it all. The worst part is that he doesn’t change his behavior. The entire time he’s been fucking me and trying to get back with Baby Mama he’s STILL on POF, FB Dating, FetLife, etc. looking for random pussy or trannies/cross-dressers to fuck. One of the most telling signs of his narcissistic lack of remorse is the fact that he was lining up rando-sex 3 days before his oldest son was born. 

At least from the evidence I’ve gathered, looking for holes to stick his dick in and use as his personal cum dump has been his MO for a while now. He’s been lying to BM his entire relationship, and on a subconscious level, he’s controlled her behaviors. He has trauma bonded her. Gas lit her. He feeds her just enough affection to keep her under his hypnotic spell. 

That’s the real reason why he couldn’t be with me. My trauma both hooked me and saved me. I’m too aware of my pain to not mention it. To not complain. To blindly trust. I need it proven to me over and over again. That’s why I examine every piece so thoroughly. That’s why I question any inconsistencies. I’m too obsessed with knowing for certain to let anything slide. I’ll think about it and stress about it until I can figure out a way to find everything out. 

The point of all this is that he has an opportunity in every moment to be different. He can choose to stand by his word. He can decide to love her like she deserves to be loved. But he doesn’t. He keeps lying. He keeps chasing other women. Chasing pussy. He keeps playing games. He keeps making her feel crazy with his lies. Making her doubt reality. 

On one hand, he claims he wants this dream of you two in love with each other again. He paints a vision of a family that I have no doubt he deeply desires. 

On the other hand, he makes zero effort to change. Actually, the effort that he does put in works towards ensuring he’ll never get it. He’s in denial of the pain he’s inflicting in the process and the rippling effects of the damage he’s doing to BM, his children, and the random people he’s entertaining at the expense of their happiness. 

Does he know that it’s possible to have that dream he’s painted? All he has to do is actually value things like honesty, loyalty, integrity, and love. All he has to do is decide to live his life differently from this day forward. He may have lost BM, who knows? But there will always be someone next in line to try to love again. He’s just gotta find someone who’s on the same page as he is. 

The vision he created is being lived, right now in this very moment. Probably by a lot more people than he thinks. It’s most likely not even that hard to achieve. He just gotta be aware enough to pursue it with the right person. Someone that he’s certain wants to go after it with him. Someone he has learned to trust. Someone who reciprocates those wants and actions.

So what’s keeping him from it? What’s stopping him from behaving in a way that ensures he gets everything he wants?

What stopping you? What’s stopping any of us? What’s stopping me?

Why on Earth do we act so insane? 

Trauma denial. Self-sabotage. Self-fulfilling prophecy. 

The answer is the same for him as it is for you and me. 

Subconsciously, you feel as if you aren’t worth love. If anyone KNEW the real you, if they could see through you, the last thing they would feel is love for you, right? Or at least this is what you believe so that you don’t have to face the painful realization that you weren’t loved right during a time in your development that you needed to be loved. Because of it, you don’t know what love is. You’ve never experienced a relationship where you’ve trusted that you were loved. You came into a loveless world. You’ve experienced unfathomable amounts of cruelty. You’ve resigned and built your narrative around living and dying a loveless life. Nothing you do will change that fact. It’s hopeless. That is the truth you cling to and operate from. 

You don’t believe you’ll ever be a good husband, a good father, or even a good man (or wife, mother, woman). That’s the same logic you apply to other areas of your life too. You’ll never amount to anything important. You’ll never make an impact on the world. You’ll never be remembered or even known. Everything that you are will live and die with you. 

It’s why you don’t care. You’re expecting the worst anyway. It’s why you don’t change. 

But in your subconscious decision, you have controlled the outcome. The truth is, you really don’t know what could happen if you actually tried. And no one will want to know you or love you as long as you’re a lying, cheating, manipulative, abusive piece of shit. At some point, you’re going to slip up. A part of the truth will come out and your web of lies will then unravel. 

The way that we destroy ourselves is a little bit different for everyone. But the outcome is always the same. Self-sabotage manifested by our unconscious beliefs becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We accept this reasoning because it reinforces what we’ve always known to be true, while we each secretly hope that we’ll be proven wrong each time. 

I’m a people pleaser. I allow people to take advantage of me. Use me. It’s the narrative I learned and have reenacted since the very beginning. I must prove I’m worthy of love. I must earn love. 

By not changing you have manifested the outcome you were expecting. Then like magic…  Voila… theory about the world is confirmed. 

It’s fucking insanity when you think about it. 

Only about 15% of us are self-aware. 

85% of us are not. Those that are not self-aware are operating by paradigms mostly ignored and unknown to us. We are smothered by defeat. Paralyzed into inaction. We live and die submissive to our delusional denial. We are content, complacent, conforming, and completely ignorant of the ones that control our unconscious, our motivations, our emotions, and the paradigms from which we operate. 

We gulp down their dogma and regurgitate their platitudes for the sole purpose of keeping us weak, unaware, blissfully, and ignorantly enslaved. 

How will you ever break free???

Pain. Pain avoidance. When the pain becomes unbearable you will go to extreme lengths to avoid it. You will do whatever it takes. The only other option is to die suffering. Which is what far too many of us do. 

Until then, you will continue to traumatize yourself and those around you. You’ll hurt everyone who tries to get close to you. You are damned to repeat this lesson until you learn this lesson. 

Or maybe it’s a lesson you’ll never learn. 

Click Here to watch Daddy fucking me on January 7th, during the time he SWORE ON HIS DEAD BROTHER that he wasn’t fucking me.

Stay tuned… There’s definitely more to come. hehe… cum.