If you have any desire for a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship you must first be willing to understand two things, women and yourself. Then you must be able to actively listen, with the purpose of understanding, and communicate effectively. For some, these concepts come easily. For those of us who are still in the process of healing our trauma, it can be quite difficult. 

The Man’s Guide to Women. 

The Man’s Guide to Women was written by two couples. Both couples have been married for 30+ years. The Gottmans have been researching relationships for 40+ years. In their research, they’ve discovered some of the keys to having a happy, healthy, and loving long-term romantic relationship. They’ve also identified a set of core toxic behaviors and destructive cycles that cause the break up of all relationships.

Now, they aren’t the only ones researching healthy relationships, and every researcher has a slightly different perspective. Yet, you can be confident that using their theories will help you have a healthier relationship.

With the behaviors the Gottmans identified as being important, they are able to predict divorce with a 94% accuracy in less than 5 minutes of observing a couple communicating. This is not your average “make every girl want you” ebook written by some pussy slaying playa. You won’t be taught a bunch of manipulative head games for the sole purpose of getting your dick wet. These are REAL actions you can take to make your relationship better, and actual behaviors you should avoid in order to ensure that it doesn’t fall apart.

The advice might fly in the face of the way you think and how you process and deal with emotions. Understand that men and women are biologically wired to experience and process emotions differently. Equal doesn’t mean the same. Men and women are very different and the sooner that both genders accept this fact and try to understand the other gender’s position, instead of arguing about who’s right, the better.

When it comes to the way that you feel, you can’t be wrong. Your partner isn’t wrong about the way that they feel either. Issues tend to arise when one or both people are triggered, and unable to effectively communicate how they feel, or unable to listen to understand. Many times these feelings are rooted in maladaptive schema (toxic mindsets or incorrect subconscious beliefs) that we learned during development (childhood).

If you have unresolved trauma then you probably have incorporated several toxic behaviors or beliefs into your behavioral repertoire. These beliefs or behaviors may have helped you survive your trauma at the time, or to cope afterward, but now they are keeping you from experiencing the depths of love and connection that all humans need and crave.

In order to have a happy, healthy relationship we must understand what the opposite sex needs to feel secure in their emotional connection with you. This might not be what you need. In fact, it could make no sense and confuse the hell out of you, because it might be the opposite of what you need. What’s important here is that you understand that you have to love someone in the way that they need to experience love. This is the only way that they are able to truly feel it. If you try to love people in the way that you need love, they won’t understand it and you could find yourself feeling unappreciated and resentful in the process.

You might be reluctant to follow the advice given in this book, thinking that by doing so you are encouraging any number of unhealthy behaviors or mindsets. To that opinion I say this, would you rather cling to your ideas about how things make sense to you (because you are definitely entitled to do just that), or would you rather educate yourself, and learn something from people who have made it their life’s work trying to figure out the human experience of healthy love?

Because I, personally, want to always walk the path of self-improvement, and that requires the desire to acknowledge any harmful habits and toxic beliefs I’ve acquired along the way. I want to understand the role I play in experiencing a more intimate emotional connection (or not). I only wish I could find someone who values the same thing and is willing to work for it with me.

Stay tuned, because I plan on breaking down everything the Gottmans, and other romantic relationship researchers have learned over the decades about how to have an amazing and healthy relationship. One that you’ve always dreamed of and longed for.