Funny the way that life goes sometimes…

Let’s get straight to the punch line here. I got an STD test recently, among other things, because I’ve been having issues with bleeding for years now. And it came back positive for Trichomonas vaginalis. The levels were so low that they weren’t in the detectable range, so that means that it was a very recent infection. I’m 99% sure who gave it to me and I had a bad gut feeling about him. We used condoms, but they kept slipping off.

I’m grateful because it’s not serious and it could have been so much worse. But I am also low-key hating on myself right now because I put myself in this position. I played Russian roulette with my body, with my sanctuary.

I’ve allowed men that I do not care about and have no feelings for to desecrate my body and bring myself and those that I do truly love and care about into harm.

THIS is why I need a King in my life so badly. Someone that is just as sex-crazed as me. Someone that can, for the most part, keep me sexually satisfied, protect me and keep me safe when I do want to be a nasty slut.

I fear sometimes that I’m out of control. I fear that I need sex too much and that I risk too much in order to get it. I fear that this madness will drive away any King that I feel worthy of me. Just like it drove away my last King.

I want to live out my fantasies but I want to do it in a safe manner.

Now that I am being treated and know that I’m clean. I’m going to demand to see results from anyone who wants to have sex. Regardless of whether we use a condom or not. Because I like to fuck for hours and cum a ton and my damn pussy keeps pulling the fucking condoms off.

I don’t want to have to go through the embarrassment of having to tell people, again,  that I tested positive for any STD. I don’t want to push the people that I love and care about away. I want them to feel safe with me.